Im tortured because Im two people at once?

I have alot of trouble making sense of my very ordinary life. I am often depressed by how little Ive done in the outside world in terms of money and education and achievement, but I only get depressed about money and education and achievement when Im intoxicated or slothful or overly relaxed. When Im makin money and achieving education etc etc, I often fail because Im pining to get intoxicated and ingest things and be lazy. My question is, how do I end my own torment? I cant go on like this, making money and losing money to my needs. Have any advice?